Children & Pre-Teens 6-12
Digital explorers are becoming comfortable using the internet as a tool and for fun. They need SOME supervision that PREPARES them to navigate the online world solo. Having lots of communication is extremely important at this age, especially about tough topics like porn.
Don’t know where to start?
Here are some questions you can ask to start the conversation:
- Have you ever seen anything online that has made you uncomfortable?
- What was it that made you feel uncomfortable?
- Have you ever seen people online without clothes on?
- A lot of people have questions about pictures of people without clothes or people having sex. Is there anything you’d like to know?
Once you gauge their knowledge about porn, you can offer some information about the topic. Use this guide to navigate this tough conversation.
Define Porn.
Start with the basics. Don’t get too complicated.
“Pornography is photos or videos of naked adults. It doesn’t show real life – people are acting, like they do in movies. The people in porn are often kissing and touching each other without clothes on”.
- Explain Why Porn in Harmful.
Talk about porn in a way kids can understand, while also keeping it age appropriate.
“People are shown doing weird things in porn sometimes, like hurting each other. This is not okay for adults or kids to see. It isn’t like sex in real life – people sometimes do things in porn they don’t like doing, but do anyway because they are paid”.
Explain the difference between appropriate content and porn.
“Sometimes characters in movies and TV shows kiss – this is okay for you to see. Watching people kiss and touch each other without clothes on isn’t”.
- Listen & Answer Questions.
This may be an awkward conversation, but it’s important to remain open and calm. The child may have a lot of questions and it’s okay if you don’t have the answers right away! Just tell them you’ll think about it and get back to them
- What if they’ve already encountered porn?
- Stay calm and positive. It’s normal for kids to be curious. Take this opportunity to steer them towards age-appropriate resources.
- Ask questions. This helps reassure them it is safe to talk to you. Try to get more information about what they saw and how they saw it.
- Be ready to listen. Ask the child how they are feeling and give them an opportunity to ask questions.
- Act, if necessary. Based on the conversation, you will have a better idea as to how the pornography exposure, especially if it was graphic and violent, affected your child. If you think the child has been traumatized by what they saw, reach out to get help.
- Model and encourage critical thinking. Online pornography is not regulated and can be extremely graphic and violent. Remind children they shouldn’t believe everything they see, and it’s important to know they can question or reject messages they see. Give them an example based on what they shared with you. You might say, “People in the video were acting – people who care about each other don’t treat each other like that. No one should hurt another person, and no one likes to be hurt”.
- Improve online safety. Search for better filters and parental controls to limit access. However, it should not take the place of conversations and rules about online pornography.
